The Sky is Falling

Seems that the whole fiasco that caused the mortgagecrisisresultingingovernmentbailingoutautoindustrywtf nonsense is playing havoc with the stock market. And now, apparently, things aren't working the way they should be. As in stocks go up when they shouldn't and go down when they shouldn't. As in when Doug buys something it goes down and when he sells, it goes up. Well, not always, but often. And that's because the sky is falling. It's been going to fall for the past couple of years. How do I know this? Chicken Little Doug tells me. Every. Single. Day.

It starts at 6:30 am every morning – except when we're in Hawaii – then it starts at 3:30 am. Doug turns on his Android and starts checking the market. And then the fun part begins. Looking at charts. And then he wants me to look at them too. I'd rather stick a fork in my eye or run with the bulls in Spain. I've learned to not move when I first wake up, or open my eyes, because that's when I get the running commentary on what's going on in the market, the tsx, the dow, the S&P, short, long, bull, bear, blah, blah, blah.

The pace picks up when the tv is tuned to the market channels and all the pinheads are yelling above themselves and at each other over whether Barack Obama caused the shares of Amazon to fall, or world peace to disintegrate. It's kind of like listening to Nancy Grace when she gets all shrieky saying “breaking news, breaking news”, when it's all a rehash of some case that is a year old. And everyone is going crazy because the market is down the market is up the market is sideways and then someone's head explodes and all's right with the world. Until the aftermarket. And the opening of the European market. Then the Asian markets. 24 hours of nonstop freakenomic entertainment. And all the while voices are calling – the sky is falling, the sky is falling.

Yes, indeed, if Doug is right and the the sky IS falling, you know where I'm going to hide? Under my bed, counting my change. You may join me if you wish.