It's My Dirty Little Secret

I don’t know how to dress myself. Haven’t a clue. If the outfit doesn’t come complete off the mannequin I’m hooped. To be faced with row upon row of clothes hanging on, well, hangars, forget it. Leave me to my own devices and I’ll pick out something guaranteed to make me feel like I’m starring in my own reality version of what the hell is she wearing?? When I was a working in a real office person, I loved two piece suits. It was like wearing a uniform. No rational thinking required. Just walk into the store, pick out a mannequin and say I’ll take it. And I had lots of them. And sometimes, when I was adventurous and oh so edgy, I would take the jacket from one suit and pair it with the skirt from another. And with my three pairs of shoes (black, brown, navy – come on, you know a girl can NEVER have too many pairs of shoes) the combinations could be endless. Hair and makeup was a whole other issue. Well, actually not as it was pretty much non-existent.

This is the thing – I can dress a house. Give me any room and I can do it’s hair, makeup and styling - no problem. And don’t get me started on showrooms – anybody can decorate by picking out a showroom and saying I’ll take it! You might as well just walk into a clothing store and look at the mannequins and say…..

So when I found myself in Chicago recently with some friends, I thought I would try bumping it up a notch. It was a little nippy out so I thought I would try on some scarves. As an accessory. Like a real grown up. After winding it around my neck as if I was dressing a 5 year old to go outside and play in -10 degree weather, Pat gently suggested that perhaps she could show me a better way to wear it. And she did. And I loved it! The scarf was so pretty – grey with sparkly bits. But then Pat said the colour didn’t do anything for me. What? You see, I had already envisioned me wearing it Christmas Eve, right next to my black, white and silver tree – you know, the one that matches my bathroom.

And then I realized – I sometimes dress myself like I’m a tchotchke. I’ve also been known to buy a dress for a special occasion, just because the fabric will make fabulous cushions after! And now that I look at all the Christmas presents I’ve bought, I apologize in advance. But, believe me, you’ll all look fabulous next to the tree!

Doug, D.I.M. (doctor of internet medicine)

Seems that since Doug is on medically prescribed (as in prescribed by a person who is a real doctor) medication for high blood pressure he has decided that he must be pro-active and prescribe for himself various herbal preventative medicinal stuff. This after getting his internet medical degree. So now we’re ramping up our daily doses of Vitamin D, Greens, Emergen-C, stuff for joints, various fish oils, memory aiders, and a bunch of other stuff I can’t remember. Anyways, we are NOT going gentle into middle age!

My medical advice? Just up your intake of grapes – preferably in liquid form.

My husband – Mr. GQ

Doug just came in and told me that he was too dressed up to hang around the house. Yipee – let’s go somewhere! Then he finished his sentence “I think I’ll slob it down a bit”. He always knows the right things to say.

Doug went to the Optometrist and now we’re on a diet

A while back both Doug and I went to have our eyes checked and to get updated prescriptions so that we could order more contact lenses. Who knew that eyes could reveal so much about someone. Apparently Doug’s eyes said he had high blood pressure. Off the charts high blood pressure. Almost drop dead if you don’t start doing something about it high blood pressure. You have to understand that even though in human years we are both 54, in mental years we are only in our late 30’s. We are way too young for him to have high blood pressure.

So now we’re on a diet. It gives the saying “my eyes are bigger than my stomach” a whole new meaning.

PS – he’s fine now. He’s the proud owner of a blood pressure kit and some magical little pills that brings the numbers closer to 120/80.

I'm Back

I know it’s been quite a long while since I’ve posted anything, but I was saving things up. Ok, actually I think they call it procrastination. Or laziness. Or life getting in the way. Whatever, I’m back.

Sometimes it's just TOOO much information....

It occurred to me the other day that there are very few things a person actually has to know, and way too much that they don’t need to know. The only two things that I really ever need to know are where I put my glasses and where my car keys are. Everything else is just too much information. Not that I’m promoting not knowing other stuff, it’s just that I don’t need to have it inside my head all at the same time. That’s what my computer and Google are for. If I do need to know something for just a moment, I can Google it and then tell Doug “see, I’m right” and then let it go.

What I don’t need to know is that some guy in the lower mainland has a bullet riddled gangster body in his fridge and he wants the police to give him money for it. Why this bit of information was on the front page of the newspaper is beyond me. Kudos to him for creative entrepreneurial skills, but really, the stench???? Why didn’t he put it in the freezer? He also said that if the police didn’t give him money he would just burn the body. Another lesson learned – never limit your target market to just one small percentile of the population. Like I said, there are some things I just don’t need to know.

Like when my kids tell me about stuff that they used to do behind my back when they were teenagers – I really don’t need to know any of that. They don’t know it, but they are still groundable….I just have to figure out how to make it stick....

If I've been to the PNE, then it's the end of summer

I absolutely love the PNE (Pacific National Exhibition - as opposed to the CNE - Canadian National Exhibition that is located in Toronto which some people (obviously those that haven't been to the west coast) still believe is the centre of the world).

We would drive to Vancouver from Prince George (10 hours, in a vehicle, before they invented portable DVD players) before crossing the Port Mann bridge that told us we had arrived - at which time I turned off the radio, told the kids to NOT say a word, and proceeded to get lost on the way to my mother's apartment (and yes, I have absolutely no sense of direction even though I had been going there for years, and that is another story). Once there the car would be parked and we would walk or take the bus to wherever we were going because there was NO possible way anyone can drive and find their way around the city (I do ok now because I've lived here for 14 years).

We would go to the beach, go shopping at Pacific Centre Mall but the highlight, always, was going to the PNE. In those days it was a real carnival atmosphere and we loved it. The kids would hand over their tickets to the grubby carnie workers and ride every ride they could. We'd eat greasy hamburgers, mini donuts, cotton candy and drink lemonade. It was summer bliss! We'd stumble back on the bus around midnight and arrive back at my mom's, three kids on a sugar high and her in a high-rise apartment!

And now the best part of summer? Going to the PNE with the grandkids (who make the trek down from Prince George, 10 hours, in a vehicle with a built-in DVD player). They are real troupers who can eat everything, ride every ride, see every show and stumble home around midnight - just the way I like it!

And yes, the adult kids still tag along - but we leave Doug at home. He just doesn't feel the magic the way that we feel it....