Fly the Friendly Skies of United (Final episode)

So, the trip went off without a hitch and we had a wonderful time in Hawaii.

Once we got back I wrote a letter to the President of UAL Corporation, which is the parent company of United Airlines. I also copied the Vice President – Customer Experience (I also told her that she had her work cut out for her if the thousands of complaints on the internet were any indication of what the average “Customer Experience” was like). My letter was basically asking them to verify that in fact, it wasn’t against the law to change the name and that they would direct their employees to NOT tell people that. I also wrote a letter to the CSR’s Supervisor telling her that she had all her information wrong.

Two weeks later I received a response from somebody in “Customer Relation” indicating that the President had passed my letter to them and they “appreciate the opportunity to respond”.

Keeping in mind that I asked them to verify that it wasn’t against the law to change the name, this is what I got – word for word:

Ms. Cates, as soon as you buy a ticket, your fare is guaranteed and protected from increases. If you change the itinerary, the fare may change too. The fare in effect at the time of your itinerary change will determine the fare for your revised itinerary. Most airlines, including United, do not have waivers protecting the original fare when customers must make last-minute changes. I hope this information is helpful when making future reservations. As a gesture of goodwill I am enclosing a travel certificate for a future use with United. Please continue to fly with United.

??????? Ok what part of my letter was actually read? And please, I don’t want a $150 travel voucher because I never plan on traveling with you people ever again. So, I fired off another letter to the President, mildly scolding him for passing off my letter to an underling and reassuring him that I was still awaiting a reply to my original question. I also enclosed the travel voucher explaining that I would not be using it. That letter was dated December 10^th, 2007.

I received another reply from the same Customer Relations person dated December 20, 2007. This is what it said – word for word:

Thank you for writing to us mentioning that you didn’t receive the travel certificate issued to you. I am responding to your letter addressed to Mr. Tilton.

Ms. Cates, so I may help you receive a replacement travel certificate, please sign below to verify the original certificate(s) is not in your possession. Then return this letter to my attention. Thank you for giving us an opportunity to respond to your concerns. We look forward to serving you again.

WHAAAT???? Now I feel like I’m being punk’d. Where are the hidden cameras waiting to record my reaction???? Who is this person writing this stuff – it has to be a robot. I don’t even know what to say or how to reply. And by NOT replying I received yet another letter – this time dated December 25^th. Yep, Christmas Day – such dedication…But this time it has a different tone than the other obvious form letters. This is what it said – again, WORD FOR WORD with spelling as it appeared in the letter:

Thank you for writing to us again (well, except that I didn’t). I am responding to your letter addressed to Mr. Tilton.

Ms. Cates, I sincerely regret that you remain unhappy with my response. Let me inform you about the name change policy. Once a reservation is completed, we do not allow a name change. As mentioned, you were informed by on the phone agents that name change is not allowed in the reservation according to law. In case a passenger insists the name change, the reservation is cancelled first and $100 in charged for it. A new reservation is prepared again for the passenger.

Hmm, I wonder if they do random drug testing at United Airlines.

I am not surprised when just a little while later I receive yet another letter, dated January 7, 2008 which is the exact same one that I received dated December 25. Only this time it contains another travel voucher (obviously to replace the one that was lost…oh wait, that’s right I GAVE it back to them).

And this is where it sits. I don’t have an answer to my question, I have a $150 travel voucher that I will never use, United Airlines has a real problem with customer relations, and nobody understands English there.

I will swim to Hawaii before I will ever fly with United.